Sunday, May 17, 2015
Thank you, I love you.
I'm surprised that I'm back here again for some useless rambling that probably shouldn't reach the ears of the unemphatic and judgemental.
There came a point in my life when I'm not quite a believer of true worldly love and all that I've wanted to do was to get out and understand what these hopeful people are actually up to and maybe one day someone would come challenging my ideals. I tried with an open mind, started seeing guys without any expectations. But I still ended up fantasizing over what an ideal romance would be like for me and I enjoyed it. Then I realised that a part of me still crave romance and intimacy. I thought I have successfully boycotted the idea of searching for someone to trade for some pleasant experiences becos ya... that's conditional and comes with many daunting expectations which are probably not necessary for the betterment of the well-being of any human! Eventually, my emotions got the better of me when I've confirmed my suspicions that my crush was avoiding me. And I have no idea why and have decided to stop thinking about the possible reasons that would never get back to me. At the very least I know that I'm amazing, I have done my part to present my interests in a sensible way, and there was nothing else I ought to do. That was a valuable affirmation I've gained from my past relationships- boys who disappeared out of unknown reasons. The problem could have been me but I don't know what is it. Maybe I'm not ready to find that out and there is no hurry for that because romance is just a small exclusive aspect of my life. Fortunately, my other types of interpersonal relationships are not suffering the same way, maybe just a few of them which I didn't make enough effort to maintain the connection.
Anyway, my stance still remains that human relationships are ever so volatile. There could be varying levels of vested energy in each of them with unexpected returns and we just have to learn to be cool with that. Nonetheless, I still love how I appear to be at this moment- carefree, silly, laughable, inquisitive. When someone doesn't seem to accept us wholeheartedly, that doesn't mean that the amazing qualities we have are being downplayed! And a reminder to myself too, when I'm unable to see eye to eye with someone, it doesn't mean that there is nothing I could learn from him.
Thank You,
I Love You.
12:38 pm