Monday, June 03, 2013
Evina is feeling dull and drowsy
Hello. Yesterday I was in a cooking craze, at least in the day. I kinda enjoy having the kitchen to experiment with myself.. Good to have a few others like my mom to do together too. Then it will be like a shared instinct for cooking. At the end of the day, the smell of the ingredients that stains on my fingers despite several washes is pretty satisfying for me haha.
Suddenly having casual chats with people seems like a chore to me. I don't seem to enjoy doing that anymore and always like to make create a space just for myself. Sometimes I find it quite bothersome to talk to people for the sake of talking. Probably I haven't been talking much to myself such that I don't know what can I say to them.
I feel so empty and lack of substance these days... So many things are going on around me and I'm just withdrawn to my own world. Life seems turbulent for many around me, and I'm unperturbed to a large extent.
Sometimes my phone is a nuisance. It is pocketful of conveniences but at the same time it make me feel so helplessly disconnected from the rest of the world. There are too many apps available to numb my senses except for my sight and some hearing.
To say that I'm problematic is overstated as compared to my closed ones who are sick or down with financial issues. But to think that I'm completely healthy is ignorance.
But I'm very happy that I have family members who always try to connect with me. Though I'm the one who did not fully open up about myself.
I'm glad that I have buddhadharma to fall back on. I'm also happy to know that I can valueadd someone's life.
Well I'm still fine... Just my state of mind not right. It feels stuck and troubled and what's not...
1:17 am