Friday, December 07, 2012
Why have I become such an unhappy person for the past one year?
I used to feel so light, even though i was much chubbier then. It saddening to know that I’ve forgotten how it feels like to genuinely be happy. I felt so good about myself… Now I feel like crap and get so affected by what people say to me.
I clearly know what the problem is yet i can’t seem to be released from this endless emotional entanglement. When I’m emotionally unstable, it immediately surfaces on my work. I am perpetually late for everything, my work, meetings… I can’t be bothered about most things.
I should train my mind that I really don’t need to depend on anyone to make me happy. No text, no call, no sweet gestures, no attention given… it’s okay. I’ll just continue to be your friend to turn to if you need somebody.
Now I need to return to my own happy land and do what I’ve missioned myself to do. My happy land has plentiful cakes (pancakes, fruit cakes, cheese cakes, kueh lapis, waffles, strawberry short cakes, muffins), colourful dresses, fresh air, litter-free, eco-friendly, rainbows, wanton mee, bakchor mee, sunfowers blooming, everywhere, pasta, bread, fried rice… I wish I can make the people who visit my happy land to be happy.
2:29 pm
Hi.. I feel so crazy these days. It’s currently pouring outside. And I’m feeling too tired to do anything. Suddenly I just feel like I hate almost everything around me. I dislike everything that has got to do with FTM. I don’t even want to meet them. I always resent my boyfriend for giving cold shoulders.
I am no longer a friend to myself. I’m not here for myself when everyone isn’t. My world collapses when he is not by my side. I am so weak yet so proud. I feel so sorry for myself…. What am I suppose to do to make myself learn to