I feel so sick and damned now. It’s funny to see the extent of how words of one can weigh so much on your heart, as if that is not enough, I’m suffering from a crazy heart palpitations due to my indigestion now.
grrrrrr oh noooo…. my assignments are coming to a due soon.
but my Lama told me to be happy. Not all the things I love are making me happy. I love to be skinny but I’m told that I look worse. I love to stick around with my boyfriend but he tells me things I don’t want to hear. I love to sleep but it’s wasting my time. Why am I not loving my life like I used to be?
If I do my assignments, my partner will be saved. If I do my dharma practices, I benefit myself and others. If I clean up my room, my mom will be pleased.
I think this is by far my first closest realization on attachment and self-cherishing thoughts and it is apparent that I have to break away from “ I love…”.