Why view a quarrel as destructive? A quarrel is just a passionate disagreement. I think it can potentially destroy the mutual acceptance between two or more parties but it may not necessarily be the case.
If possible, I’d rather pick more arguments with my parents, than remain unfamiliar with each other’s affairs. Of course, I hope the quality of the arguments can improve over time.
It is always maddening to argue with them. Why maddening? bcos we both feel that the opposite party is being rude. I feel that they are not respecting my right to make personal decisions.Instead of trying to understand my decision-making process, they either tell me not to do it or make hurtful statements which do no help to the decision I’ve made. They feel that I’m being rude because I often argue defensively and say nasty things in return.
I believe a healthy argument should not be like that. We can still be accepting of each other yet remaining in disagreement. but of course the disagreement has to be resolved eventually. And so it is a test of patience again.