Thursday, January 14, 2010
work reflections
SM Lee waved at me while he was seriously immersed in his evaluation of the park. wow I'm so lucky!
I still don't feel quite bonded to my team members so I decided join 2 of my colleagues to chill out at vivo after work.my preferred style of socialising is still in a smaller group. Hate hanging around with big groups of people, especially when I don't know them well. It makes me feel so out of place and awkward when I don't respond well erm according to the group dynamics. You know, the obligation to think of something good to say. In the past, that wasn't much of a problem for me. cos those "big groups of mine" were tasked to work something out, something that I'm quite familiar or enthusiastic about and that I would love to initiate things confidently.
But this one! it's just...tagging on and trying to catch up with the more senior ones. How come I don't feel like I need to take up some larger responsibilities ar? like improving working environment or brainstorm for more things...etc. I'm so confused by what I'm thinking and saying.
I think there is a problem with me. I may not be taking enough initiatives but I've alr tried to observe as much things as I can. I told myself not to be blur so that being unknowingly slack will not be my excuse anymore. I have been very curious about my working environment by questioning alot. but why is there nothing substantial i can do?
man i really need more team bonding time if not i'll be lagging behind very much. i need to know more more MORE! and omg.....I need more time to interact with a person before learning how to sustain a conversation with him/her. why are such things becoming more difficult for me? am I becoming less sociable or are the people around me becoming.....less interesting...such that I'm forced to think of a way to sustain the conversation. hey I wish everyone knows how to appreciate silence that breaks out once in a while. sometimes it's a form of communication also lor cos it allows time for the people to reflect about the other party they're talking to. so to people who are not patient with these silent instances, they will reduce the number of times they talk to you in the future. and then people like me will be having alot of confusing thoughts.
I have to literally catch up with them in order to be engaged in their conversations simply bcos they always walk so fast ! I dont know whyyyyyy !!!! I really don't like to talk and walk so fast at the same time. I only walk fast when I'm in a rush or feeling a lil frustrated and under such circumstances, I wouldn't be talking. then at other times, I would rather stroll.
grumbles aside, I'm still a proud member of the enchanted team. :)
12:38 am