Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I'm almost immuned to criticisms already. put me down more and one fine day I'll be resistent towards them. Anyway I'm immuned to so many things already... =)

always turn to the neutral party for consolation, if you happen to need any.
For any opposite polarities may not be speaking the truth or things you would like to hear.
In unfortunate cases whereby the neutral is non-existing, keep them to yourself.

turn to the polarities for scandals.
For they are the ones who will mask most or little information, depending on their motives.

If only people are always categorised so clearly for everyone to see..

Life is not unfair to THAT extent...
sometimes you've got to blame on what type of aura you are emanating.

5:09 pm

Friday, January 26, 2007

I wished what I'm feeling now could be simply be put as 'happy', just like one of my cadet thought I should be.
so...innocent, naive and anything can be used to describe a fresh pumpkin. A pumpkin is an orange gourd looking so nerdy and cute yet the contents of the pumpkin is awfully raw tasting with minute percentage of fructose.
Why did such an innocent-looking fruit become halloween-associated? I really wonder.

Anyway that is not the case in life. People are influenced to be semi-filthy...compelled towards gaining fame.
Never am I going to feel just a mere single type of emotion at any point of time anymore.
Mrs Cheong introduced this quote from Lord Acton to us today, " Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely". I'm just so keen into knowing how desperate any authority can get.

So much for protection, security, warmth & love.

9:55 pm

Thursday, January 25, 2007

When life has been monotonous for quite some time, one would tend to yearn for something different and somehow, something will attend to your desires.

You think so? I totally agree !
I think that "reward" is reasonable for people to go through some shit before anyone can attain it.

Recently, I have been meeting up with one of my most hi-bye friends coincidentally outside school. It is really amazing to know that we actually chatted for quite a few hours and can click on so well, which I had never realised that before.
I'm really glad that I've got to know more indepth about someone whom I had never gave much thought about (means never think about the person before lor, that simple.)

I have so many hi-bye friends who only see the superficial side of me. 90% of my MSN contacts are just...there for the main purpose of occupying the space. Situations whereby verbal conversations are, talking rubbish with my neighbours (esp. michelle, eugene, yeesheng, mingwei and jiayi during lab sessions), then schoolwork with some ppl and np with duh, eugene and my co-workers. Some people have already been excluded from my list of people whom i frequently strike up conv with. Ah, then the rest will be questioning and answering the teachers, smiling at any of my approaching hi-bye friends. wah lao, coming to think of it, my social development (whatever the right term is) in my upper sec years is really very pathetic.
And then, proabably none knows about the innermost core part of my character because apparently no one had ever meddled into my current personal life. hehe...which is something good, i think. Sometimes things would remain in better condition in inert atmosphere rather than getting oxidised when exposed. I would rather maintain it as unreactive as possible to prevent malfunctions.

next, under exactly what type of conditions do you feel a sense of acheivement?
is it surpassing your previous results, putting down your rivals, gaining favour from people, outshining others ...
and obviously, there has got to be a morally correct answer.
I'm clear of mine and that will be my source of happiness.

anyway, I've also proved to myself that making wild imaginations aids in psychological manipulations.
har har har....colour relations, event relations.They are all impressions being portrayed, etched and imagined or even delusionised that made that relations possible.

YAY!

6:13 pm

Saturday, January 20, 2007

oh damn. I'm having sore throat, feeling rather moody.
and it's finally the weekends again!
I'm always looking forward to Fridays, they signifies the start of the weekend and the time for me to see my sec2s.

Anyways, I think these are overuled by some other things that happened.

I just had Bio practical this morning, so much screamings, shoutings, exclaimations,...
lol.
Practical sessions are always so interesting, quite hillarious too. Really lor, bcos ppl that are sitting ard me are always the ones that are more prone to getting scoldings. omg so funny but i cant escape. my turn will come sooner or later.
so that is the price you have to pay for taking pure science.
I'm quite sadistic. observing how some ppl do hands-on somehow tickles me.

such as, cutting the stupid cucumber, OMG! look at the ppl's facial expressions. HAHAHAHA ! SO FUNNY!!!
then erm, recording the no. of oscillations of the pendulum, then the ppl's head will follow the motion of the pendulum.
now as i reflect back on what i've done, there was once when i cut my thumb and was bleeding profusely. I think the way i reacted was kinda...ridiculous.

ok lar, not really very funny. I mean when the experiences are being put into words, dont sound very funny already.

I dislike people who try to act like as if they are soooooooo morally correct like that. like oh....dont judge ppl for others will judge you too. it doesnt sound very sensible to me.
If you resist judgements, then dont go for examinations, interviews, DONT EVEN attempt to comment on anything ! and if one fine day, you are being called up to attend a hearing. DONT GO bcos the judge is present.
wah lao, think before lashing out these type of erm ' food for thought' can.
it's so annoying.
man you're bound to fail in the society.

5:15 pm

Monday, January 15, 2007

I'm feeling alot now. not what Eugene was refering to, " feeling to do math". anyway, that was rubbish.....then i forever dont have that feeling to do math then no need to do lor. Speaking about rubbish, I come across all types of rubbish everyday, it's quite a tedious job to filter them. I think that's what life is all about, the ability to filter rubbish in order to maintain UNTARNISHED. I'm refering to bigger rubbish, not that type of rubbish that is in a form of casual remark.
Being "bestowed" as the unlucky batch as quoted from Ruibao Sir, I felt pretty jealous, unjustified ( not in the sense whereby there wasnt enough evidences to that but it was due to the unanswerable question, " why us?" )
Mr Lee Hsien Loong once mentioned in one of his rally that in Singapore, every citizen will be positioned at the same starting line but may not be finishing at the same ending line due to the various abilities every individual possesses.
Many factors could have actually caused this result. Was it because of the people who had lacked much ought-to-have abilities or was it that even at the very beginning, the starting line did not explicitedly appear at the suitable position : either it was being marked much further behind the rest or the distance between the starting and ending points were too close to each other till the people not sweat enough or the starting and ending lines have fainted till the people live aimlessly and cluelessly or the starting and ending lines had been too flexible such that the markers had taken control over their lives instead of the people steering their way towards the end or.....
I have come thus far in this organisation, how far was it I would like to ask.

This journey is also measured in terms of vector quantity, so much stresses on the magnitude. How about the direction?

I had the opportunity to experience so much immense emotions and seen the partial reality of life throughout these 4 years.
Jealousy, unjustification, gloat, anxiety, rejoice, adrenaline rush etc......and lol unfortunately, did not witness any conspiracies. =p
Very exciting i would say, because coming to think of it, there is no way will I be able to have a taste of that much variety of emotions if i had not joined NPCC.

No one will be able to deny the fact that NPCC had failed to bring anyone emotional moments. Therefore, it is still incontrovertible that it had actually strengthened our resistance against the hardships and the reality of life.

Certain percentage of the magnitude is given away, the rest is entirely up to opportunaties and whether one had successfully realised and utilised them. As for the direction, it is definitely not paved nor arranged by anyone for anyone; should it be travelling in a round-about motion or in smooth line.

5:49 pm

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

After a music hiatus of about...4 months? I've realised that I've gotten kinda irritable when it comes to sounds. disgusting voices or sounds, i will classify them as noises. then they will affect my mood of the day. I'm not kidding, i can even feel some sort of numbness in my right brain.
I WANT TO RESUME MY PIANO LESSONS! I CANT WAIT !!!! I miss Ms Lim, in fact I'm also kinda missing my MEP class. If I'm coping well with both my math i wouldnt mind taking up MEP as an enrichment, seriously. It's not a matter of failing or not, at least I know I'm still a cut above the rest of the medicore people. I'm really really very afraid if I will regret in my later life as I'm quite fickle minded but persistent at times...erm depends on whichever situation is that.

As i opened my mail, where all the MEP notes from the tkgs mep yahoo grp will direct to, downloaded the attachments and the sudden frightening sense of guilt came along. Dont ask me why is it a sense of guilt.

At the point of time, I thought to myself, why am I always pondering over things that has expired. I'm not sure if this has always been obstructing my progress or whatsoever. I hope not. I cant help it, this is the surge of extreme emotions. Anyway, it is also quite a good thing, bcos it had also made me think of ways to salvage parts and puzzle of it.

I want to utilise both parts of my brain ! yea but that's not the point of this post, I just want to make sure that from now on, whichever paths I've taken I dont want to feel any sense of guilt or regret or whatever... it's not that I've taken the wrong route all these while but just that, my life has become more challenging contains more temptations...more...tricky. =)

6:58 pm

Saturday, January 06, 2007

hello...i'm back again. my mind is so full of many confusing thoughts. i think it has filled up to the brim of my tiny brain.
I think i'm very boring to a certain extent bcos i realise that I'm adopting more characteristics of an introvert.
I'm also , sad to say.. a hypocrite in many situations.
I'm an extreme pessimist but at the same time, can be very optimistic. no wait, that doesnt mean i'm neutral. i can go to the very extreme of both sides...

my memories became vivid as i listen to songs representing the diff era of my life. i enjoy doing reminiscences and planning for future. yet not keen in managing the present.

I'm utterly disgusted by some ignorant brat who is not even saving the last bit of dignity he had left since most of them are already taken away from him. that is fate.
too bad.

i have been questioning myself why is it that kept me so driven throughout this journey. I havent found an answer to satisfy myself...
I wish someone could just answer all my questions.
I know very well what the potential problem is but i myself am also facing that problem. I feel so sorry bcos i cant provide a convincing explanation.

As neighbouring intimidation has been overshadowing my confidence, it had brought me both triumphant and failures.

Earworms, ever thought of why is it that song being the earworm of the day? it could be a song you dont listen to that often but somehow, it is suddenly being conceived or rather, stimulated by your right brain to play it repeatedly in your brain.

Anyway, this post is not supposed to be comprehend.
I cant express these verbally to anyone because it does not follow any sequential flow, just like how they runs through my mind.

11:02 pm

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

hello...school has started after a very short break. Zzzz...i hate people who whine but i'm feeling so whiney today.
and anyway i've wasted my day today.
and er, i was made the class treasurer by the jeffrey woo -_-! gawd, i dont really like to handle cash. unless it goes directly into my pocket. i still cant believe it that hes our form teacher. AHHHHHH !!!! why is our class so unlucky?
we'v gotten both the turtle twins as our form teacher for the past two years. woah, luckily the none other than the motherly ms lee (the more MATURED physics tr) is also deployed as our class form teacher. and this is what she said to me," the both of us share equal responsibility". then she gave a very demure smile ( lol, i'm not sure if that word is really appropriate...).
adn oh yea...i've changed my neighbours in class.jolene vidya michelle yeesheng eugene natalie joan huijuan and yipeng. quite ok lar...at least i'm not sitting next to some big-mouthed freak...kinda miss jiayi tho. hhaha...