Friday, March 09, 2012
tired
I have dry eyes- a sure sign of sleep deprivation. but my heart doesn’t want to rest. She is constantly in a panicky mode, thumping hard and fast.
My restless eyes make swift frequent glances and my heart is riding on my hot blood. I am anticipating for an immediate answer.
Why am I feeling so lonely?
I want to do my favourite things with the person I like. Why can’t it be just the two of us? Why can’t it be just the two of us hanging around for chats? Why is there so much work and no fun at all?!
I am very sad because someone I wished most for never understands this.
goodnight 
1:30 AM
Thursday, November 10, 2011
to my special one
hello there ! it’s the crazy time of the year end again! and here I am blogging when I should clearly be doing something else.
School has started and I am occupied with school and many other things (or like what my secondary school teacher used to describe my commitments as a thousand and one things). The difference between now and then would probably be the current intervention of my boyfriend. well the action of intervening usually doesn’t sound too positive esp when it is coming from your romantic partner. but I guess it wasn’t too bad at the moment. though sometimes I really feel that he lives on the other side of the world and that is geographically not wrong too. he always says and advises things that make me feel bad but he always has strong reasons for them. he supports me even when he is still in the midst of discovering more faults of mine. he does shit jobs for me like sketching, calculating, calling people up… when I don’t like to do them. we fight so much such that I cherish and find it so sweet whenever we’re not fighting and are very gentle to each other.
I’ve never revealed to this large extent about myself to anyone before the appearance of this man in this life. Thank you my dear for being who you are…
10:21 PM
Monday, August 29, 2011
I stayed indoors unexpectedly today. But it’s quite nice to spend a quiet afternoon under this soothing weather with some books, my blanket, chips, hot milk and myself.
3:18 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2011
quarrelling
Why view a quarrel as destructive? A quarrel is just a passionate disagreement. I think it can potentially destroy the mutual acceptance between two or more parties but it may not necessarily be the case.
If possible, I’d rather pick more arguments with my parents, than remain unfamiliar with each other’s affairs. Of course, I hope the quality of the arguments can improve over time.
It is always maddening to argue with them. Why maddening? bcos we both feel that the opposite party is being rude. I feel that they are not respecting my right to make personal decisions.Instead of trying to understand my decision-making process, they either tell me not to do it or make hurtful statements which do no help to the decision I’ve made. They feel that I’m being rude because I often argue defensively and say nasty things in return.
I believe a healthy argument should not be like that. We can still be accepting of each other yet remaining in disagreement. but of course the disagreement has to be resolved eventually. And so it is a test of patience again.
11:36 PM
Thursday, July 21, 2011
This week felt like it has been crawling… towards a much anticipated weekend for me. The reason is obvious. Till then and beyond, my mind is sensing so much insecurities arising.
12:14 AM
Thursday, July 07, 2011
unanswered questions
Our first thought of the day often rings in our head throughout the entire day. This morning I woke up at my psychological reminder for the truth for nus’ decision. disappointed? yes…. angry? not really… scared? very…
I’m scared not because I have no where to go… I know I have something else to work on but not knowing where… I’m being asked time and time again for my plans by EVERYONE everyday (my family, friends, colleagues, people I’m meeting for the first time and this is going to continue with people I’m going to meet soon until the day I know my next step) . Every time I’m being questioned, I trembled. I foresee every single thought, question, comment coming from them because my mind wants an answer from me too. who am I depending on for an answer? my mind again? my mind doesn’t even have a mind on its own… Frightening questions are the questions you’ve been asking yourself unendingly.
Then again, is the subject of our faith the target we turn to whenever we have questions unanswered? Is this the best solution to problems that always have roots in laziness and un-courageousness?
1:47 PM
Monday, June 27, 2011
If you want it, come and get it.
The youth outing ytd had just conveniently marked the end of the first half of 2011. Will the destiny of my second half of the year be decided by the response from nus?
On many occasions in life, I feel like I’m allowing others to take charge of my own destiny, and on my part, I know what I want the outcome to be. This process of anticipating the suspense is…… a suffering.
From what I seeing, there are mainly 2 faults that contribute to this suffering. My laziness and narrow-mindedness.
I am once again, starting to rely on something for a pleasure that began without a reason and continuing without certainty… This reliance can bring me on a cloud nine and at the same time entangle my cardiac arteries.
In this case, I am lazy in many ways. I am lazy because I choose to wait, often have thoughts of not being good enough, not daring to make differences… As a result, I’m waiting for dunno-what-to-happen. WHAT’S NEW?
Today I’m drawing parallels between both external and personal issues from me. I want to do something about them…. before another 6 months come to an end again.